Bits & Pieces

It is freaking winter.

Do not think I am nuts. It is freaking cold here. Winter is at its peak. In my defense, I am in Australia. 

Today morning Andrew asked me what I was smiling about? I replied to him that I wasn't smiling. That was the expression from last night which had frozen in the freaking cold.

1 week to go.

I am going back to India for a month on holidays. I couldn't have picked up worse time. I have heard it is pretty hot in India. All the time I spent hiding from the Sun to become fair, will be tanned back to original in a week.
Still, I am looking forward to the trip for two reasons. One, my elder brother is getting married, and second, I will get to eat lots of mangoes. I missed mangoes in Australia. You do not get variety and quality over here.

सौ चूहे खा कर बिल्ली चली हज को.

कभी "अपने पाँव पर कुल्हाड़ी मरना" मुहावरे का इससे बढ़िया प्रयोग मैंने नहीं देखा. जोश में आकर मैंने BARC का form दो महीने पहले भर दिया. मैंने तो बस यूँ ही application डाल दी थी. तब से बस घर वाले पीछे ही पड़ गए की तैयारी कैसी चल रही है. Exam अगले Sunday है. पिछले चार दिन से पढाई शुरू की है. ४ साल का course अगले ४ दिनों में निबटाना है. कहते हैं ना कि पिछले जनम का पाप २ दिन में थोड़े ही धुलता है. ऐसे धुलाई जरी है. बस आपके सहयोग की आवश्यकता है. जम कर शुभाशीष दीजिये. पास कर गया तो एक-एक के घर मिठाई भेजूँगा, वर्ना आशीष आपने मन से नहीं दिया या फिर आपके आशीष में दम नहीं है, मान कर संतोष कर लूँगा.

See you all in India in a week time.

How to stop loving your work

Once I posted below statement on my Facebook wall and following is the conversation that followed.

“Sometimes you just want to stab someone, but you can’t do it because it is against company’s policy.”

Comment: It is against the policy of every society, even then people do it. You just need to have enough courage to perform HATKE.
Me: May be I need little encouragement & motivation :)
Comment: I think...may be u need a bit more of torture. :P

And I could not stop laughing.

Are you one of those dumb guys who love their work?

Let me get few things straight: It does not matter how much I said I love to work hard or how much I want to work for your company or how much my tailored resume gave you impression that I will be a perfect fit; I DO NOT LOVE WORK. And yes I lied when I told you in the interview that I was born to work for your company as I had said the same thing to another company who had interviewed me 5 minutes before you. I will not stay a minute after 4 PM in the evening and will take minimum 2 sick leaves every month.

One of the departments I hate most in a firm is HR (human resource). They are like muffins, tastes so nice but if you had too much of it, you will have type-2 diabetes. With their pretty face at first it might seem that chick is digging you, but as soon as you are hired they will treat you like an ex- and you do not know whether it was you or her. Next time you see them around is when it is time to fire you.

I often hear people saying how much they love their work. I think either they do not understand the meaning of pleasure or they do not understand work. Do you know why company pays you salary – because you are miserable at work. Think about it, last time when did you do something fun and you did not have to pay for it? And, do you think if company knows that you are having fun at work, they will pay you? They are there to make money for themselves and not for a sucker like you. Only reason you are there because at this point in time no machine or human is available to do that work more efficiently or cheaper than you. To them you are not an individual, you are simple a human RESOURCE. One thing I am pretty sure is, if you are having fun at work then you are miserable at home. So never love your work.

Once you establish that you hate your job, the question is how to survive it? It pays for your requirements and hence you can not completely stop working. These guidelines will help you survive your job:

1. Be competitive: You can survive by just knowing that there is always someone out there who has a worse job than you. His life sucks more than yours.
2. Be positive: There is light at the end of the tunnel and it is your salary. No matter what happens, they have to pay you until they fire you.
3. Be productive: If you are interested in shares then you can utilize office time to do online trading. Managing your Ebay account is also a good way of saving on bargains.
4. Expand your skill set: Learn how to play online games. Sudoku, mind puzzles or other online games are good way to waste time.
5. Ramp up your networking: Facebook is banned at most of the workplace, but it should not stop you from being social. Spend time around coffee machine, and know your colleagues better.
6. Planning for who you want to be in 5 years time: Day dreams are good way to see your career progression. Good thing about day dreaming is there is no required skill set for any job you want to dream about and sky is the limit.
7. Be inclusive about your work: Working environment becomes less boring if you are having an affair with someone but it might create problem if your wife learns about it. So only get into affairs with someone who has high regard for confidentiality.

Every morning when I wake up, I do a mental calculation to decide whether I can take sick leave today or not. Then on my way to work I try to convince myself that I love my work which lasts till I enter my office. Once I sit on my chair only thing gets me through the day is the fact that everyday has 4P.M. and every week a Friday. Ohh shit, it is already 4:02P.M., see you later.