I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

Have you ever felt that you are stuck in a moment and you can not get out of it? I do not know about you but I surely have felt that way for a long time. I always wonder why people do most of the stuff, they do? I have heard people say, they want to do MBA or higher studies or prepare for civil cervices. But question is do they really want to do that or it is simply because they satisfy certain requirements these options need and hence it is a popular choice among such people.

If you are the one who is making such a decision then ask yourself, “Why do you want to do this?”  If you really want to do it, then certainly you should be able to answer the question aptly. Once you have thought (promptly) your answer, read further.
Unless your answer without further query, clearly explains how this will give you ultimate satisfaction or happiness in your life, probably you are simply following a trend, and so, this is not what you really want. By ultimate happiness I mean, ultimate state of happiness; nothing else you can do which will make you happier than that, so it should be end of your search for happiness.

Take example of a guy who wants to do MBA. If he wants to do it just because he will get a high paying job in a respected company then in my view he is just following the trend. There always will be a higher paying job or more respected company than his current employment so he will never achieve a state of ultimate happiness, where there is no next step. Reply should be able to answer fundamental question of his needs and not a variable state which itself will never be constant. If whatever you think will make you happy, itself is not constant then how will you ever achieve ultimate state. But if he answers, he likes to manage things and enjoys organizing stuff then he deserves the profession. First person can be at the top of world and still won’t enjoy it or second can be managing a small group in a small firm and will make most of it. Do higher studies if study really interests you or you enjoy sharing knowledge and not because you have a good CPA. Go in administrative job if you want to contribute to society and you have motivation to solve civil problems.

Most of the times, you can not do what you want to do because of complicated social equations. There is nothing wrong in following the trend, but realizing that your real happiness lies somewhere else at least you will try to find opportunity to do the right thing. I enjoy teaching and love getting involved in social work. I will fight for my happiness, so should you.

Grandmother

I do not know whether people go to heaven after death or not, for me, as long as you remember me after my death, I will be in heaven.

As far as my memory goes, I have always seen her old, just like all other grandmothers. She does not grow like me or you. Her steps are getting smaller and skin getting bigger for her body by each passing day. She is my patronus charm against my angry mother, my piggy bank when father grounds my pocket money, my savior when my grandfather tries to sneak in bookish knowledge between his made-up stories, my equal partner in crimes and a true friend. She has silver in her hair, gold in her heart and most nerdy looking glasses on her eyes. She is my lovely grandmother.

She is full of stories, the kind which you do not find in books. She will tell me stories about ojhas catching ghosts, kul nag devta drinking milk, dead villagers still living on village neem tree and then she will walk me to the toilet because I was too scared. She makes me believe in witches, fairies and God. She offers ladoo in her prayers as she knows I love them.

We both had weakness for sweets and so whenever we will go to the market, she will buy sweets. Later she will fudge expenditure on the goods to make up for the sweets, but as she was not good at mathematics, she will end up reporting more than she was given in the first place with still few rupees to spare. Once I learned addition, there wasn’t any further calculation hiccups. 

My grandfather loves teaching kids and my both parents are teacher, so all together they orchestra a nightmare for a kid like me. So, she was the coolest one with no discipline around her.  She could feel the heat when I pretend to be sick for school. She would announce lunch time as soon as she sees me getting bored with studies.

Past few years have been hard on her. Her vision and hearing is deteriorating by the day. She could hardly understand anyone on mobile. Still, she grabs the mobile whenever she learns I am calling and will try her best to understand what I am saying. During last call she said that she misses me much and wants to see me. She can not hear me anymore but still wants me to call her every week. She has saved some money to buy sweets for both of us. She wants me to buy her a nice saree from my salary and she wants to wear it during my marriage.

She died last month. She did not give me enough time to even make my next call. I was not there when she died. I am sure she would have liked me to be there by her side. I miss my friend a lot.

Is Chaman Mein Bhi Bahar Aani Chahiye

I distinctly remember those days back in the school, when one of my friends has a peculiar habit of counting the number of bald people crossing us on our way home. At that point I thought what a weird habit. But now I have developed the similar habit. I count the number of people having less hair than me. Luckily for me, the number from old times has increased considerably, giving me lots of false confidence.

There was a time when I had dense forest on my head and combing my entangled curly hair was a painful job. I used to love to see falling flocks of hair on the ground when barber used to cut my hair. I used to dream to shave my whole head so that I could feel exact size of my skull. And now I am living the dream. I get to shave my head even if I don't want to, and interpolation of past data shows that this dream is soon going to end and one day I will wake up with all my hairs gone.

I try hard to forget all about my hair, but there are some, who always remind me that I am losing my hair at a rapid rate. I can not believe, people can be so insensitive. And, I absolutely hate it when people say "Why don't you do something", as if I have left any stone unturned to fulfill my heartily desire of growing my hairs back. I have only one thing to say to them, tell me the solution (Which can actually work) or shut up. Sometimes I stand in front of mirror and go back in time to grow my hair back again; stand bewitched, but as someone said reality bites.

Not that going bald doesn't have its benefits. According to some of my well wishers, I don't have to spend on Shampoo or any other hair products. It even saves from trouble of combing. Just smear little oil and you are ready, shiny and sparkling. People always think that I have already taken the bath even though I had just woken up. The biggest advantage is added seniority to my looks which automatically brings respect in the workplace. My best friends from college Pratap, Gour and Mishra are also losing hairs at a very fast rate. According to some magazine, “Bald” is going to be the next Fashion. Very optimistic huh....

Remember the proverb "Grapes are sour, they really are."- who needs hair. So I hate hair on my head. Who am I kidding..... :(. I absolutely adore them. Today I swore to follow on the ultimate quest to get my hair back. Only if someone could give me Harsh Bhogle’s contact number, it would be much easier. Until my quest is complete, I will have to make peace with the reality- Deforestation is a big problem for the world at large and especially for my head.

Newton and me

Being a geek I always trusted science for explanations and luckily enough, it never let me down until ….

In eighth standard, Newton suggested that everything attracts every other thing with a force directly proportional to the product of their masses and since then I tried to explain all sorts of attraction on the basis of the law. Based on this law, I used to develop my own corollaries like two fat people would fall in love quicker than two normal people. Even as a kid, I knew something was wrong with my corollary. I used to blame surrounding conditions for my failure as I knew all physics rules are made only for carrying out experiments in perfect space with ideal conditions. Concept of “Zero figure” almost shattered my whole proposition and made me think, how someone’s loosing weight can make Saif Ali Khan dribble, even in his old age. That was the first blow to my deep faith in science.

In eleventh standard, my physics teacher told us that “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction”. From childhood I have been experimental by nature. So, I decided to test the theory. I punched the guy sitting next to me in the class. Next thing I realized was, you certainly get an opposite reaction but I was not so sure about the “equal” part of the theory. To me, it was many times the action force I had applied. But I was happy that at least half of the theory could be proven even in practical condition.

This was the same year I started feeling different about her. Only rational explanation I could think of was that, I was feeling her gravitational pull. Answer raised couple of more questions; why only now, why not earlier? And why I do not feel the same pull for my best friend or as matter anyone else? I am not good with senses. My five receptors do not work that well. So it was a good news that my antenna was at least catching one signal. Her signal had certainly (must have) strengthened with development of her body (increased weight?). Rest became clear when I learned Coulomb’s law of attraction. Only opposite charges attract each other. That was a great relief as I only had to expect signals from half of the population. May be with time I will catch more signals from different ones.

I must say, gravitational pull is very strong pull. I could feel her existence even when she was away.  I thought to test my 11th standard learning again. I thought, this is time to take action to get a reaction. I wrote her a letter and placed it in her notebook.

For 2 days there was no reaction and I wondered which external factor has introduced lag in the response. I kept searching my notebooks for letter. Finally on the third day I got response, not from her, but by her brother, very strong one. After that suddenly all gravitational pull was gone and I reached to the decision that some actions do have severe reaction.

Ultimately I concluded, may be love is not governed by laws of physics. Love is the most irrational concept. It is not absolute like science and that’s why people have different preferences; some like cars and some beautiful models around them. Somebody needs to write a book on theories of love so that geeks like me who like reading theories and applying them can be benefitted.

6.2.1

Here I am, after 6 months being in love, 2 months of unconscious break up and 1 month after breakup. I would not say I am completely back, but have recovered enough to look forward. This post is to put a full stop to everything happened in last 9 months and an outset of a new beginning. 

I still feel a bit hurt, just on the left side of the chest, and still can not watch corny Bollywood love stories, but I am doing more than fine. Once again my mind has taken command over the heart, and my heart is beating for the sole purpose to pump blood only, nothing else. I am purging all the memories I have of her and only souvenirs I am left with is a diary, a key ring and a smiley clip. 

I still feel she was a nice person, but too stubborn. I am thankful to her for fine memories and will always think of her as a good friend. 

Anyways, a lot is left to achieve in this life and I going to try my luck in some of these opportunities. I have to be strong and focused and beware of diversions. For sure, it is going to be hell of a ride.

Friend

I had a bird. I wanted to know how much it liked me, so I opened the cage and the bird flew away.

Some friendships are broken for good.

Voyage to the end of Universe

Chapter 1: The significant ones

28Feb, 2069 5:00 PM

He turned off the Television, sunk deep in his chair fitting perfectly in his permanent ass prints on the padding and muttered, “Tomorrow will be a historic day”. The uncomfortable pairing of words tomorrow and historic in the same sentence amused him.

Tomorrow was special in every sense, as it was 75th birthday of music icon Justin Bieber, who still was shaking at this age with his Pop anthem “Hey Baby” (digital remaster of original song “Baby” which was named incorrectly due to music company screw up); but it wasn’t historic for him for this reason as any day he preferred prostate check over Bieber’s songs. He wondered what happened to the real music and why nobody killed like of Miley Cyrus and Bieber to save the world from this torture.

Now days he wonders as lot, just like all other insignificant ones. He is a character in very insignificant part of the story and is only chosen because he is old enough to brood over the past (which he likes a lot) to help us to build premise of the story and not too old to be senile and totally useless like historians in solving quadratic equations. He is like those insignificant details that grow very tightly around significant one; just like insignificantly important “running naked” details to Archimedes, after the significantly important discovery of “buoyancy”. But do not get confused, this is a story of significant ones.

His mind wandered in the past when things were not so complicated. He liked old time when Pi was still 3.14, “g” meant gravitational acceleration, he believed Tom hanks was an astronaut on Apollo 13 mission and standing on one leg on a weighing machine does halve one’s weight. Now everything was so precise and politically correct that it felt medicated to him. They ruined the cult series The Big Bang Theory when the new producers decided to infuse love angle between Sheldon and Penny. He never cared to watch reality shows like of “I have seen 10th dimension” or “I have counted infinity twice”.

Though, over the years he did like few things. He liked when a Chinese guy invented a treadmill for cows so that they can give skimmed milk. He liked when Apple was banned from upgrading every month and made to support flash. He liked when Windows conceded Vista was its second biggest mistake, only next to their overambitious thought of putting pretty pictures in the backdrop of Bing will bring any popularity.  He liked the sick joke, on the death of Prince Charles, that Prince Charles was buried with a chair as he did not have it when he was alive. He made lot of nuisance when a mms caught him saying, “That old lady won’t die”.

He switched on TV again. A big spaceship was on the screen. For last few days they have been continuously telecasting reports on tomorrow’s launch of “Laika”; spaceship was named Laika after the first dog to go in space as Neil Armstrong still struggled to qualify for the first man. As camera zoomed and panned the body of spaceship, he could read clearly USA painted in red colour. It was a massive ship with three propellants. As camera panned at the bottom of ship, he could not hide his amusement as he read “Made in China” written at the bottom.
Tomorrow will be historic because for the first time in human history, four humans will be sent on self sustainable ship to explore the universe and unveil its secret. This is the story of those four significant ones.