Is Chaman Mein Bhi Bahar Aani Chahiye

I distinctly remember those days back in the school, when one of my friends has a peculiar habit of counting the number of bald people crossing us on our way home. At that point I thought what a weird habit. But now I have developed the similar habit. I count the number of people having less hair than me. Luckily for me, the number from old times has increased considerably, giving me lots of false confidence.

There was a time when I had dense forest on my head and combing my entangled curly hair was a painful job. I used to love to see falling flocks of hair on the ground when barber used to cut my hair. I used to dream to shave my whole head so that I could feel exact size of my skull. And now I am living the dream. I get to shave my head even if I don't want to, and interpolation of past data shows that this dream is soon going to end and one day I will wake up with all my hairs gone.

I try hard to forget all about my hair, but there are some, who always remind me that I am losing my hair at a rapid rate. I can not believe, people can be so insensitive. And, I absolutely hate it when people say "Why don't you do something", as if I have left any stone unturned to fulfill my heartily desire of growing my hairs back. I have only one thing to say to them, tell me the solution (Which can actually work) or shut up. Sometimes I stand in front of mirror and go back in time to grow my hair back again; stand bewitched, but as someone said reality bites.

Not that going bald doesn't have its benefits. According to some of my well wishers, I don't have to spend on Shampoo or any other hair products. It even saves from trouble of combing. Just smear little oil and you are ready, shiny and sparkling. People always think that I have already taken the bath even though I had just woken up. The biggest advantage is added seniority to my looks which automatically brings respect in the workplace. My best friends from college Pratap, Gour and Mishra are also losing hairs at a very fast rate. According to some magazine, “Bald” is going to be the next Fashion. Very optimistic huh....

Remember the proverb "Grapes are sour, they really are."- who needs hair. So I hate hair on my head. Who am I kidding..... :(. I absolutely adore them. Today I swore to follow on the ultimate quest to get my hair back. Only if someone could give me Harsh Bhogle’s contact number, it would be much easier. Until my quest is complete, I will have to make peace with the reality- Deforestation is a big problem for the world at large and especially for my head.

Newton and me

Being a geek I always trusted science for explanations and luckily enough, it never let me down until ….

In eighth standard, Newton suggested that everything attracts every other thing with a force directly proportional to the product of their masses and since then I tried to explain all sorts of attraction on the basis of the law. Based on this law, I used to develop my own corollaries like two fat people would fall in love quicker than two normal people. Even as a kid, I knew something was wrong with my corollary. I used to blame surrounding conditions for my failure as I knew all physics rules are made only for carrying out experiments in perfect space with ideal conditions. Concept of “Zero figure” almost shattered my whole proposition and made me think, how someone’s loosing weight can make Saif Ali Khan dribble, even in his old age. That was the first blow to my deep faith in science.

In eleventh standard, my physics teacher told us that “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction”. From childhood I have been experimental by nature. So, I decided to test the theory. I punched the guy sitting next to me in the class. Next thing I realized was, you certainly get an opposite reaction but I was not so sure about the “equal” part of the theory. To me, it was many times the action force I had applied. But I was happy that at least half of the theory could be proven even in practical condition.

This was the same year I started feeling different about her. Only rational explanation I could think of was that, I was feeling her gravitational pull. Answer raised couple of more questions; why only now, why not earlier? And why I do not feel the same pull for my best friend or as matter anyone else? I am not good with senses. My five receptors do not work that well. So it was a good news that my antenna was at least catching one signal. Her signal had certainly (must have) strengthened with development of her body (increased weight?). Rest became clear when I learned Coulomb’s law of attraction. Only opposite charges attract each other. That was a great relief as I only had to expect signals from half of the population. May be with time I will catch more signals from different ones.

I must say, gravitational pull is very strong pull. I could feel her existence even when she was away.  I thought to test my 11th standard learning again. I thought, this is time to take action to get a reaction. I wrote her a letter and placed it in her notebook.

For 2 days there was no reaction and I wondered which external factor has introduced lag in the response. I kept searching my notebooks for letter. Finally on the third day I got response, not from her, but by her brother, very strong one. After that suddenly all gravitational pull was gone and I reached to the decision that some actions do have severe reaction.

Ultimately I concluded, may be love is not governed by laws of physics. Love is the most irrational concept. It is not absolute like science and that’s why people have different preferences; some like cars and some beautiful models around them. Somebody needs to write a book on theories of love so that geeks like me who like reading theories and applying them can be benefitted.

6.2.1

Here I am, after 6 months being in love, 2 months of unconscious break up and 1 month after breakup. I would not say I am completely back, but have recovered enough to look forward. This post is to put a full stop to everything happened in last 9 months and an outset of a new beginning. 

I still feel a bit hurt, just on the left side of the chest, and still can not watch corny Bollywood love stories, but I am doing more than fine. Once again my mind has taken command over the heart, and my heart is beating for the sole purpose to pump blood only, nothing else. I am purging all the memories I have of her and only souvenirs I am left with is a diary, a key ring and a smiley clip. 

I still feel she was a nice person, but too stubborn. I am thankful to her for fine memories and will always think of her as a good friend. 

Anyways, a lot is left to achieve in this life and I going to try my luck in some of these opportunities. I have to be strong and focused and beware of diversions. For sure, it is going to be hell of a ride.

Friend

I had a bird. I wanted to know how much it liked me, so I opened the cage and the bird flew away.

Some friendships are broken for good.

Voyage to the end of Universe

Chapter 1: The significant ones

28Feb, 2069 5:00 PM

He turned off the Television, sunk deep in his chair fitting perfectly in his permanent ass prints on the padding and muttered, “Tomorrow will be a historic day”. The uncomfortable pairing of words tomorrow and historic in the same sentence amused him.

Tomorrow was special in every sense, as it was 75th birthday of music icon Justin Bieber, who still was shaking at this age with his Pop anthem “Hey Baby” (digital remaster of original song “Baby” which was named incorrectly due to music company screw up); but it wasn’t historic for him for this reason as any day he preferred prostate check over Bieber’s songs. He wondered what happened to the real music and why nobody killed like of Miley Cyrus and Bieber to save the world from this torture.

Now days he wonders as lot, just like all other insignificant ones. He is a character in very insignificant part of the story and is only chosen because he is old enough to brood over the past (which he likes a lot) to help us to build premise of the story and not too old to be senile and totally useless like historians in solving quadratic equations. He is like those insignificant details that grow very tightly around significant one; just like insignificantly important “running naked” details to Archimedes, after the significantly important discovery of “buoyancy”. But do not get confused, this is a story of significant ones.

His mind wandered in the past when things were not so complicated. He liked old time when Pi was still 3.14, “g” meant gravitational acceleration, he believed Tom hanks was an astronaut on Apollo 13 mission and standing on one leg on a weighing machine does halve one’s weight. Now everything was so precise and politically correct that it felt medicated to him. They ruined the cult series The Big Bang Theory when the new producers decided to infuse love angle between Sheldon and Penny. He never cared to watch reality shows like of “I have seen 10th dimension” or “I have counted infinity twice”.

Though, over the years he did like few things. He liked when a Chinese guy invented a treadmill for cows so that they can give skimmed milk. He liked when Apple was banned from upgrading every month and made to support flash. He liked when Windows conceded Vista was its second biggest mistake, only next to their overambitious thought of putting pretty pictures in the backdrop of Bing will bring any popularity.  He liked the sick joke, on the death of Prince Charles, that Prince Charles was buried with a chair as he did not have it when he was alive. He made lot of nuisance when a mms caught him saying, “That old lady won’t die”.

He switched on TV again. A big spaceship was on the screen. For last few days they have been continuously telecasting reports on tomorrow’s launch of “Laika”; spaceship was named Laika after the first dog to go in space as Neil Armstrong still struggled to qualify for the first man. As camera zoomed and panned the body of spaceship, he could read clearly USA painted in red colour. It was a massive ship with three propellants. As camera panned at the bottom of ship, he could not hide his amusement as he read “Made in China” written at the bottom.
Tomorrow will be historic because for the first time in human history, four humans will be sent on self sustainable ship to explore the universe and unveil its secret. This is the story of those four significant ones.

Faith

Faith is the Kajal mark put by your mother behind your ear to protect you from all evil eyes, or faith is the belief in baby’s smile in your catching ability when you throw him in the air and faith is the Nimbu-Mirchi mala hanging over your dashboard in your new car to keep it running in spite of all mechanical engineering.

For me faith was everything at one stage, it was my life, it was my struggle and my reason to live. It is hard to imagine how I felt when my doctor told me I had cancer. Even though I knew he might say that, but I wished he wouldn’t. Exactly at that moment my whole life shattered in front of me. I stood there, trembling in tears, shaking my head in disbelief and asking myself why me. I remember weeping on mother’s shoulder for hours. Doctor told me to be strong but I did not know how to be strong when there was no strength left in me. I did not know how to think forward, for me there was no past and there was no future, present was all I had. It was a feeling I had never felt before, a feeling of total detachment and realization how precious every moment is. Before leaving for TMH (Tata Memorial Hospital), I spent night just watching stars and crying alone on hostel roof. The day I left IIT for TMH, I hugged each one of my friends as if I was never going to see them again. I was never so close to them before.

I saw mother crying many times behind my back. She used to tell me everything is going to be fine, but I knew it was the only false hope which kept us going. Sometimes we both would just sit and cry and after a while she will wipe my tears and hug me so tightly that I knew there is nothing she would not do to help me. I could not sleep unless my head was in her lap and she was holding my hand. Sometimes few drops of tears would trickle down her cheek and fall on mine and I would not respond as if I did not notice that she was crying.

I found hope and strength at most unusual place, a world where life was lived in moments and a few moments they had left. From outside a cancer ward might seem a place of tiered bodies, but if watched closely it is a place with alive souls. TMH cancer ward was like a big family, a family with shared history and suffering; a relation stronger than anything. They taught me life is about living it. Real happiness in life comes from sharing moments with your loved ones. You have to live every moment to its full potential. Every moment enjoyed is a success. We used to celebrate each other’s moments and share every bodies sorrow. In the evening we all will pray together for well being of everybody and thank God for that day which we were able to share with other. We will plan for future events as if everything is fine, to keep the hope alive for a tomorrow. To us “Tomorrow” mattered and we knew its value. For us tomorrow was hope, tomorrow was life, and tomorrow was everything we had.

My stay at TMH ward gave me strength to look forward to tomorrow. I decided try not to worry about what is going to happen but to do best I can, with my remaining life. I started reading about cures and success rate. I started writing my diary again. I called everyone whom I had been rude and apologized for my behavior. I am not a hard believer in God. But I had lots of spare time which I needed to fill to keep me occupied. I started going to a close by temple. May be there was no purpose to it, or may be it was my faith that I had done nothing wrong and so God will not do wrong with me.

For me faith is hope, ray of light in complete darkness and strength to fight unbeatable. When you have nothing to hold on and whole world is sinking around you, you need a reason to believe that everything is going to be fine. Without that ray of hope you will only sink.

I do not know whether there is God or not, but for me there was God. He kept my faith alive and after 3 months of intense observation TMH told me I was found negative for cancer. Doctor hugged me and said that he can not imagine what I have been through and he was sorry for that. I almost cried in front of doctor.

I still remember when I got back to IIT, first person I saw was Abhishek and I hugged him for at least 5 minutes and none of us wanted to let it go. For me, it was rebirth. I still have mental scars from the incident and sometimes they haunt me. After the incident, I was highly depressed for 6 months. Doctors said it was natural to go under depression after such incidents. But it made the person who I am now; a sensitive, thinking man.

Joke

Read somewhere.

A woman was having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball bat."
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy - "$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again...."